Dyno-Mutt Systems Press Release - Gas Attacks...

With all the talk lately of gas attacks in Syria, we here at Dyno-Mutt Systems, a division of Yummy Mutt Feeds, thought to bring to light this almost, long lost press release about our bio-engineered, gas recycling system called FAART.

This recycling system was the product of the fine engineers at Dyno-Mutt Systems, Inc. We here at Dyno-Mutt suspect that the Syrians have stolen our patent and are using the FAART system for their nefarious purposes.  We wanted to clear the air.  We disavow any connection to the Syrian government.

Here is our original press release...

---

DYNO-MUTT SYSTEMS, INC.

A DIVISION OF YUMMY MUTT FEEDS

PRESS RELEASE 

JULY 1996

Introducing the newest system of integrated greyhound design and utilization, Dyno-Mutt Systems is proud to announce the release of FAART (Fast Acceleration And Rapid Transit).

A Pair of FAART Equipped Greyhounds

FAART is an innovative, gaseous system that integrates several purposes of the flexible greyhound design. It provides both rapid acceleration and transport for the dogs. And, most importantly, it surpasses the stringent California EPA standards for fuel powered vehicles.

FAART can be used in the following ways:

Hook FAART up to the existing fuel system of your transport vehicle. Not only will you get a cleaner exhaust and non-polluting vehicle, but the higher octane rating (200) provides more pickup than ever with the benefit of increased mileage! A FAART equipped greyhound not only provides the fuel to get to a lure course, but then can run also!

FAART provides quicker acceleration off the line and provides an extra boost during long straights for coursing dogs. It is completely legal according to existing ASFA and AKC rules.

FAART equipped greyhounds are currently being used to provide natural gas (methane) for the City of Albuquerque to run its public transportation system and to heat public buildings (higher BTU value = less fuel used). NOTE: since the introduction of FAART, Albuquerque has been recognized as a "clean air city" by the EPA.

FAART equipped greyhounds are an effective anti-crime device. During the execution of a crime against a FAART equipped system, FAART erupts and incapacitates the criminal, leading to an easy arrest. A word of caution, those in the company of a FAART equipped greyhound need to stay upwind or suffer the same debilitating consequences as the criminal.

FAART is effective fumigation for pesky, ground digging critters (see gophers, prairie dogs, woodchucks). It is quiet and efficient (subprogram SBD). During the testing process, an incident took place proving FAART's effectiveness at fumigation. A burrowing owl was downwind of the test area in an abandoned prairie dog town. As the gas permeated its underground nest, it reportedly staggered from its burrow saying, "give a hoot, don't pollute".

And, FAART is sub-sonic, so as not to disturb any protected, threatened, and/or endangered species in your area, i.e., black footed ferrets, desert kangaroo rats, mountain lions, Mojave tortoise, etc.

FAART does not use expensive fuels (ethanol and/or petroleum) that are notorious for polluting the atmosphere. It uses a cheap, readily available fuel source in the form of soy and soy by-products. This fuel can be purchased at any grocer, pet or feed store. It can even be legally grown at home and is good for the planet. Whatever is not used can be 100% recycled.

FAART is environmentally friendly.  When not in use, FAART can be shut down using Pepto-Bismol, Di-Gel, Gas-X, or any of the other gas reducing/eliminating items available in your local market or pharmacy reducing the possibility of a ruptured fuel cell or accidental leakage. FAART can also be disabled by the introduction of soy free fuels.

What is better than existing propulsion systems? Why, FAART, of course!

Rob Summerhill
CEO and Top Dawg

Elaine Summerhill
Secretary, Administrator, and all around Minion